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It’s just a body

16 Feb

It’s just a body

Holds your guts and soul together
Yes, take care of it, feed it, take it for a walk, hydrate it,

Decorate it, cover it, expose it but don’t let it take you hostage.

Don’t be its prisoner.

It has its own spirit and if its spirit has no thigh-gap, its spirit has no thigh gap.

Let it do what it’s meant to do, and let the thighs meet each other. Let them say hi.

The worst thing you can do is hate it and want to tear it apart from you, tear away from your skin

and separate.

Your body has been through things. Mitosis. Childbirth maybe. Happiness, losses, gains, pains. Bodies change. You don’t have the same mind you had at 16 and you don’t have the same body at 16. Let it go, it’s not there anymore.

It’s resilient but it doesn’t forget, there’s only so much you can erase. It’s just a part of the whole, not the whole. Just be at peace with it, work with it, not against it. But understand that it won’t always listen because sometimes it just knows better.

Just be.


Just a thought

31 Oct

Calling women bitches should fall into the n word realm. If you’re not a woman, and not my girl, don’t call me it. Otherwise we have beef.

We need more child-rearing and chalk-throwing career women as role models and anti-telecommuting policies make this difficult

22 Jun

For those of you who know me know that I want to be a boss. You know, like a baws. And as such, I often look for role models to emulate, especially lady bawses.

My master’s supervisor would respond to emails at 4 a.m. in the morning with a newborn latched onto her breast.

I’m embarrassed to admit that when I first found out she was pregnant, dreams of graduating on time and producing an award-winning thesis vanished into thin air faster than my paycheck at a Nine West sale. What I didn’t realize at that time, however, was that she was a stubborn woman who loved what she did and wouldn’t give up on herself, or on her students.

In light of the new anti-telecommuting policies set forth by Yahoo President and CEO, Marissa Mayer, I can’t help but think of my Superwoman mentor. Where would she have been if her workplace enforced such rules? More importantly, where would I be? Although I never won a Nobel Prize for my work, I was driven to succeed and make the most of my graduate experience because I knew that a woman who could soothe a crying baby while performing logistic regression analysis would expect no less of me.

In fact, she would throw chalk at me if I even so much as whimpered a complaint.

Mayer’s stood by her controversial decision to prohibit virtual work, stating “people are more productive when they’re alone, but they’re more collaborative and innovative when they’re together. Some of the best ideas come from pulling two different ideas together.”(1) Although I don’t disagree with her logic, the argument is countered by current technology. Modern day business is global, and conducted through mediums such as email, text messages, and Skype. Even if an establishment isn’t up to date with technology, there’s always the old-fashioned telephone to fall back on.

The truth is that a woman’s success is largely influenced by the surrounding social and political climate, including policies set forth in the workplace. India, a country riddled with sex slavery and violence against women, ranked last in a poll of the best G20 countries for women(2). This was followed by Saudi Arabia where only 35% of women with tertiary education are employed, and women were only given the right to vote in 2011. Canada and the United States ranked number one and six, respectively, with pro-labour factors such as small wage discrepancies between men and women, and time for maternity leave playing a large role in this ranking.

These findings highlight the importance of economic independence and security for women, but there is still a long way to go before women are given the same opportunities for financial and professional success. Canadian women commit greater time and energy rearing children (3) than men, meaning that not only do traditional gender roles persevere, but that there is a greater demand for working women.

By denying working women the opportunity to work from home, anti-telecommuting policies place roadblocks in front of women who want more than a career. This is especially true for women working in ‘time-sensitive’ fields since time away from work can seriously jeopardize career ambitions. In academia, for instance, the most prestigious and recognized researchers are those with the most publications. The more the publications a researcher can produce, the greater the likelihood for tenure, and the more generous the funding for future research. Taking 15 weeks off for maternity leave without the opportunity to work remotely doesn’t exactly fit well into this equation.

Mrs. Ronzulli, an Italian member of parliament, with her daughter at a vote at Strasbourg.

Licia Ronzulli, an Italian member of parliament, with her daughter at a vote at Strasbourg.

So what choice is to be made? A career or motherhood? For ambitious women who want to have it all, blanket policies such as those enforced by Mayer’s immobilize progression in the workforce in hopes of bettering the organization, without consideration for the individual nature of the worker. The fact of the matter is that if I’ve made the choice to check my Facebook or Twitter, it’s not going to matter if I’m at the office or not because I’m going to commit to that choice. Alternatively, if I am serious and passionate about my work, I am going to work, and I am going to use whatever resources I can to make that happen. As a result, my value to a company should be based on a measurable output, and not necessarily by my attendance record.

Being given the choice to work from home means that I, and women like me, can remain intact with the culture and growth of my organization while fulfilling my desire to care for my family. It means that I can one day inspire a young protégé as I was once inspired, and it means that I don’t have to choose between my career and motherhood.

On that note, I’d like you to leave you with this message on why we may actually have too few women bawses, aka leaders:

Works Cited




Let’s Construct

15 May

Life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself. A girl should be two things: who and what she wants.

– Coco Chanel

Why I’m kind of a feminist

1 May

I don’t know much about feminism, but I think I’m kind of a feminist even though I love rap music and That’s What She Said jokes. I’m kind of conflicted by this, but I’m going to try to work it out.

Treating others differently based on what may or may not be in between their legs is just not cool. This is especially true when you’re given the short end of the stick.

I feel like there’s another penis reference there.

I learned very young that boys were just better. They were more independent, they were tougher, and they were better at sports. And of course they were more relished by Indian relatives. I can still remember the looks of pity my mother received from friends and family when they realized she wasn’t blessed with a son.

“Why don’t you just try again?” they would ask her while I sat playing with Barbie dolls a few meters away.

Well, first of all: Gross. And secondly: Uh, screw you.

I, of course, didn’t say this aloud because I also learned early that running my mouth would land me a rolling-pin beating, and that’s never fun. But it still stung and it still filled me with resentment. I mean that kind of partiality is pretty hard to miss; it reeks of defamation.

My feelings of incompetence grew stronger as I made my way through adolescence. I ditched my dolls and with great difficulty avoided pink, ponies, and other markers of ‘girliness’ in an attempt to disassociate myself from what was clearly the lesser class. But that didn’t change the way I was looked at and it definitely didn’t change the way I was treated. I was still a girl, after all. If I knew all of the work I put in wasn’t going to make a difference, I would have just given into temptation and put on some damn nail polish.

I was frustrated and hella mad at the world yet for some unexplainable and miraculous reason I came to realize I wasn’t the problem, and despite my feelings of inadequacy, I wasn’t the one to blame.

High on a surge of newly found confidence, I began to see beyond the matter-of-fact truths that were presented to me. I realized that my sex was the function of a force greater than my DNA. I recognized that the reason that girls are ‘passive’ is not because we are inherently weak, but because it’s not ‘ladylike’ to throw a temper tantrum or to yell, fight, and punch someone in the throat when you’re upset. What I now know is that is that girls aren’t bad at sports because of chromosomal heterogeneity, but because they are given less opportunities and encouragement to play.

ASIDE: If you’re going to argue that men are still faster than women in 100 m race or can lift more weight, allow me to counter that by highlighting that if the motto of the Olympics was Balance, Flexibility, and Stamina rather than Faster, Higher, Stronger; women would be at the advantage.  Women have a lower centre of gravity, are more lithe, and actually suffer from less post-exercise muscle damage because of estrogen. Plus we have all that body fat that helps us last in super duper long activities like swimming the English Channel. So, we are just at a disadvantage in a social institution that was established to accommodate males rather than females. Even so, we’ve still made huge progress since actually being allowed to participate. Virtual high five.



And this was just the beginning of it. The more I accepted myself as an actual human being, the more skeptical I was of arguments that I wasn’t. Here are some other reasons why I’m kind of a feminist:

My Hymen

Historically speaking, girls need to be watched and protected because they carry a magical box in their pants (if they’re allowed to wear them), and if it falls into the wrong hands, the world will end. What I am talking about, Ladies and Gentlemen, is virginity. I remember watching 20/20 at an inappropriately young age and hearing a woman somewhere in the Middle East crying about her daughter’s rape by a solider. The girl was too young to know what happened and all the mother could say was that she needed the doctor to reattach her hymen so that she would be considered a virgin and therefore once again be marriageable material. Even more traumatizing to my young ears was the reporter’s aside discussing how some cultures abide by the practice of showing family members a bloody sheet to confirm the bride is a virgin post-consummation (some cultures even go as far as mutilating female genitalia to remove any pleasure associated with sexual intercourse in order to preserve virginity).

Years later, I learned that the hymen actually tends to degrade before a woman’s first experience of sexual intercourse by activities such sports, cleansing, and even walking. So what, I’m not supposed to walk because I might break my goods? Get out of here.

Oops, I went horseback riding. There goes my virtue.

Oops, I went horseback riding. There goes my virtue.


As much as I [now] enjoy putting on heels, pushing up my boobs, and caking my face, I don’t like to do it more than an average of 3x a year. However, as a woman I am expected to care a whole lot about my appearance. If I walked into an interview without mascara, lip-gloss, blush, and maybe even a skirt; there’s a good chance the interviewer would think Jeez, she couldn’t even bother putting on her face? I’m going to go out on a limb and say this probably wouldn’t happen to a man. And as it stands, I don’t like feeling obligated to do anything, and I don’t like feeling expected to do anything.

The Male Gaze and Assumed Rights Over My Body

During my trip to India, my body got a lot of attention. Bear in mind I wore sweat pants and baggy shirts in response to the fear mongering of my family and friends and the recent high profile rape cases that took place in the nation (yes, I realize that I lived out a ‘blame the victim mentality’ there, but I wasn’t about to take any chances in order to make a point. Shit is scary, yo). The attention I–or rather my body–got was geared around the fact that I am at a marriageable age and have an appropriate body for marriage. That is, it is tall and slim. And the comments were almost exclusively from older, male family members who were essentially giving me and my body their approval to exist and reproduce. Thank you for your permission, you sick, gawking, perverts.


I like money just as much as the next dude, and I want to get paid as much as him for the same work, without having to put on high heels everyday. End of story.


5 Ways to deal with a person who got dumped and won’t stop crying

17 Apr

I just had to include this picture

A few months ago I shared my wisdom on how to get over a breakup. With the passage of time I’ve realized that some people are less capable of getting over a broken relationship than others. I’ve also realized that some friends don’t have as much patience with sulking than others. I therefore present you with 5 surefire ways to help you deal with someone who got dumped and is now dumping on you.

1. Just listen

But don’t really listen. If it’s past week 10 of the breakup, I think you owe it to yourself to stop trying to give advice and listening to every word the dumpee is saying. Realistically, at this point you’ve said everything you need to say and have heard everything you need to hear. Therefore, you should feel free to think about what you’re going to have for dinner while occasionally nodding and mmm hmmm-ing during the conversation.

2. Distractions

At the end of a relationship, you may find that some people revert to an adolescent-like state where they lose their ability to think rationally and only seem to want to cry, eat, and sleep. I’ve found that the best way to deal with this regression is with distraction. Almost like waving keys in front of a crying baby, but not really. It’s more like waving movie tickets or a bottle of wine.

3. Become super busy

Say yes to overtime, develop a sudden interest in volunteering at the animal shelter, and maybe even help someone move. Or you could just lie about being tight on time and spend your Sundays in your sweats watching Keeping up with the Kardashians. What ever works for you, no pressure.

4. Top their ridiculousness and manipulate them

Caring for a person who got dumped can be very draining and can seriously compromise the relationship you have with them. In order to balance the scale a little, I would suggest taking this opportunity to completely freak out about something stupid like not getting that parking spot you were eyeing, or losing at Roll up the Rim to Win (which can actually seriously be very frustrating). Not only do you get to blow off some steam, but you also manipulate the other person into the role of caregiver as they try to calm you down before you cause a scene.


C’mon big money, mama needs a new car!

5. Get old fashioned

If you feel like the above mentioned advice is too sneaky and risky, just get really drunk with them and join in on the bad mouthing of their ex. That’s always fun.

20 reasons I don’t want to relocate from Canada to the U.S. with my boyfriend

15 Jan

Roots canadaIn attempts to win an argument that has been going on for far too long, I decided to state my case in list-form.

  1. The money isn’t colour-coded plastic. It’s going to take me like 3 more seconds to know what bill I want.
  2. Canada outranks the U.S.A. as the best G20 country for women.
  3. I will never again be able to ask to borrow a loonie or toonie.
  4. I won’t have the option to readily put my kids in French immersion. It wouldn’t be fair for them to not have to agonize over that stupid French R the way I had to.
  5. It’s too much work to convert Celsius to Fahrenheit, and litres to gallons. Not to mention having to unlearn adding the ‘o’s in flavour, neighbourhood, and colour.
  6. Speaking of flavour, they don’t have ketchup-flavoured chips. And poutine is foreign. Did your head just explode?
  7. The cars don’t have daytime running lights. True story.
  8. I would constantly get speeding tickets (wait for it…yeah, you got it).
  9. Beavers are more comically relieving than Eagles. Eagles are all serious and shit. Like really, just calm down, you’re a bird.
  10. There are a lot of people in the States. I’ve gotten used to my space and my population density, thank you very much.
  11. I don’t want to pretend to be interested in football. Pretending to be interested in hockey is enough (yea the NHL strike is over…  ._.)
  12. “You down with O.P.P” by Naughty by Nature will no longer have the innocent association with the Ontario Provincial Police.
  13. American geography is a whole other ball game. Dude, there are 50 states! Compare that to 10 provinces and 3 territories. Nope, can’t do it.
  14. I don’t speak American, whatever that is.
  15. My chances of being sued (or alternatively being convinced I need to sue a pharmaceutical company for a sudden change in gait) would go up 200%.
  16. It’s just weird to be able to buy beer and ammunition at a Wal-Mart. Doesn’t seem very safe and well-thought out. Hot dogs and car parts at Canadian Tire? Much better.
  17. I have a feeling I would be more compelled to change my name to Stephanie, and I don’t want to have to do that.
  18. Tim Hortons.
  19. This video.
  20.  Just do what I say, ok?