Archive | July, 2014

How to Not be a People Person in 7 Easy Steps

16 Jul

1) Master the art of maintaining a frown. Smiling is for insecure people who need constant approval and feel the need to ‘connect with others in the same social group.’ Ugh. Noobs.

 

2) Become comfortable with saying no.

For example:

Grab lunch with me and some of the guys from IT?

No way, Jose.

 

Drinks after work?

No can do, Stu.

 

Can I pick your brain for a second?

Not now Chief, I’m in the zone.

 

Do you want to go out later and catch a movie?

I’ve seen it already.

 

I’d like you to be the Maid of Honour at my wedding.

Really? That’s so sweet. I didn’t know you felt that close to me.

So you’ll do it?

No.

 3) If you ever do find yourself in social gatherings, just leave without telling anyone where you’re going or whether you’re coming back. (You’re not).

4) Be brutally honest, all the time, without concern for other’s feelings.

5) Get a DO NOT DISTURB sign and consider getting said sign tattooed somewhere on your body.

6) Constantly have headphones in, even if they’re not connecting to anything.

7) Use few words. Avoid adjectives, interjections, and contractions. Do not make small talk.