Archive | May, 2014

The Chronicles of Ageing: The Hipster Concert

9 May

I am clearly getting old.

It wasn’t until I got into my car on Tuesday at 4:35 pm that I realized what I had gotten myself into. As I buckled up and placed my bag down onto the passenger’s seat – excited to go home and nap in front of the television – I saw them. Two print-outs for concert tickets for that very night.

I cursed my past-self for thinking it was appropriate to go out on a weekday. I’m too old for this now. I’m so old that I actually print out tickets rather than using my smart phone to get into places (I’m sorry, but I aint paying for data!).

So I made my way downtown to meet my slightly-younger friend and concert-escort for the night. I hate having to commute downtown, it’s just the worst.

I got to Kipling Station at about 5 pm and thankfully had the sense to leave my giant mom-purse in the trunk of my car and swap my essentials – money, phone, hand sanitizer, Advil, chap stick (note that I did not say lip gloss. Lip gloss is sticky and impractical)- into my Emergency Travel Purse. And yes, I have an Emergency Travel Purse in my car.

Including the ‘prep time’ before getting on train, the minor subway delay, and travel time, I made it to Ossington Station at 5:25.

I met my friend, we had a moderately priced dinner, and I begged her to stop at Starbucks so I could 1) refuel and 2) sit for a little bit because we were doing a whole lot of walking.

We decided that although the doors to the Mod Club would open at 7, there was no way the action was going to start right away. Besides, 2 people were opening for main band. So we should totally be there for 8. That would be perfect.

At 8:02 we were I.D-ed and let into the practically empty venue.

There was a blonde on stage that was probably 17 years old. She would stop her singing and have conversations with the audience. And she giggled a lot, usually at her own jokes. Although I’m sure she’s very nice, and I could tell she had a wonderful voice, I found her to be incredibly annoying. Like c’mon, it’s already 8:45, do your set and get off the stage!

The empty spaces started filling in when the second performer went up with his guitar. He was a lot more direct with his act. However, I wasn’t very pleased with his appearance. When he first came up, I thought he was there to clean the stage. His had bed-head (I have now been informed that this is ‘cool’) and came out in a plain brown t-shirt and jeans. He kept scratching his head, thus further messing up his hair, and he just looked like the kind of guy that would smell and not wear shoes to public places. And he probably didn’t shower because he wanted to save the Rainforest or something, I don’t know. He sang a few songs about heartbreak, love, nature, and needing to find his spirit animal or something or other. Watching his face as he sang was painful, I thought he was going to pop a vein in his neck. He tensed his face so much it physically made me uncomfortable. Like this guy took himself waaay too seriously. And oh my God, the freaking fan girls in the front. “I love you!” “I want to have your babies!”. Calm down and think about your life choices for a minute, have some self-respect.

Realizing that I was clearly a misfit in the crowd and needing a break, I went over to the bar for a drink. A drink of water, that is, because it’s important to stay hydrated in unfamiliar and crowded places. I paid $4 for that bottle of water. Hello? Water should be free! Ugh.

On my way back from the bar took in my surroundings a little more. There was a girl wearing a blanket, a guy wearing a tan sweatshirt with a lion’s face paired with a multicoloured trucker’s hat, lots of oversized plastic framed glasses that may or may not have been prescribed by a optometrist, and the guy in front of me had a miniature bun in his hair. It was forced, and premature, and utterly frustrating to have to look at.

A group of girls near me spent 10 minutes taking selfies, constantly getting really close to me and making me feel super awkward. Ten minutes! All up in my space and completely unaware of their surroundings. I wanted to take their phone away, toss it in my bag and tell them that they could get it back when they learned some manners.

And the couple next to me! Oh my God! This is one of those “you had to be there” moments but I will try to explain it. The girl came with her girlfriends and the boyfriend seemed to have tagged along because he just loves his girlfriend so so much and can’t bear to be without her. She would be chatting with her girls and the whole time he would be rubbing her back in large circular motions. Like non-stop. I don’t know how his arm didn’t fall off from exhaustion. She would lean forward, he would lean into her. She would step aside and he would side-step with her, or reach out to her, even putting himself off balance, all while continuing that circle rub. Arg! It was so annoying, and once I noticed it, I couldn’t stop noticing it, kept seeing it from the corner of my eyes. It’s like he would die if he took his hand off of her for a second. I wanted to spend a ridiculous amount of money to get him two beers to hold so he would stop touching her.

It was 9:45 and I was getting even more agitated. My feet hurt from standing in one spot and my ears hurt from the music. And the band still wasn’t up yet. I had to keep moving my legs and semi-squat to get the blood flowing. My friend was getting annoyed too and yelled out “Some of us have work tomorrow, you know!”.

I was so over it.

The band came on at 10:15 which would have been an acceptable time for me if it wasn’t a weekday, I wasn’t just standing for 2 hours, and I didn’t have a long commute home. We listened to a few songs, said goodbye to the Hipsters and headed home.

I got home at 12 am and woke up with lower back pain and a leg cramp. I was cranky all day at work.

I’m such a grandma. I’m going to the movies next time. At least I get to sit down.