Archive | August, 2013

I hate being a grown up

15 Aug

grown up

What is this searing headache from? And why does my body hurt? Did I drink last night?

No, that’s just how waking up feels now.

Oh, I think I have something in my hair. What is that?

That is your hair. It has decided to be grey now.

Why does my face look like this?

Because you’re ugly this early in the morning. Put on more concealer to hide your ugliness.

What should I have for breakfast?

Breakfast? No time for breakfast. Maybe you can wait 10 minutes in the Tim’s drive thru with the rest of the city and get yourself a coffee. No sugar!

I’ve been working non-stop forever! Can I go home now?

No, it’s only 11:47 and you have to work until 5.

Fine, can I at least have pizza and Coke for lunch?

No, you’re gonna get diabetes. Eat your lettuce.


You don’t win friends with salad

Can I go home now?

It’s only five o’clock, nobody actually leaves at 5. Haha, you’re funny.

Okay, finally I can go home! Wait, why am I in my car, but not moving?

Welcome to traffic.

Why am I in my car, but not moving now?

Because you need to stop for gas. Idling burns a lot of fuel, you know.

When I get home, can I watch Simpsons?

No, you have to go to the gym because you didn’t wake up in time to go this morning.



Now that I’ve gone to the gym, can I watch some T.V.?

No, go shower, you nasty. Then eat something that isn’t pizza.

Ok, I’ve showered and eaten. It’s really late now, and I’m tired. Can I go to sleep?

No, you have to make your lunch for tomorrow. And it has to be healthy so you don’t get diabetes.

Ok, I’ve made my lunch. Now can I go to bed? I have to get up early to go to the gym.

Yeah, sure, you deserve it.

Nah, I’m gonna stream movies for 4 hours.

You had me at “1 Month Free Trial”

You had me at “1 Month Free Trial”